Stories From The Crypto Underbelly

You can spend years studying market cycles. Or you can accidentally set a stop-loss and forget about it. In crypto, sometimes the hamster wins, literally. This issue is about the absurdity of success: the stories that weren’t supposed to happen, but did anyway.In this space, the winners aren't always the loudest, the smartest, or the most funded. Sometimes, they're the ones who forget they even placed a trade. This issue is for the quiet W's. The trades that aged like wine while the rest of us watched in disbelief.

"A hamster outperformed me."

Back in 2021, a livestreamed hamster named Mr. Goxx was outperforming most human traders. The rodent ran in a wheel to select a token, then decided to buy or sell by walking through a tunnel. The crypto community laughed—and then watched, stunned, as Mr. Goxx’s performance started beating the S&P 500, Cathie Wood, and most retail degens.The project was part joke, part automation experiment by two friends. But behind the memes was something real: a bot that made actual trades based on the hamster’s movements. The portfolio grew. The world paid attention.When Mr. Goxx passed away in November 2021, tributes poured in from across Crypto Twitter. He wasn’t just a hamster. He was all of us: spinning the wheel, hoping for the best, somehow doing better than expected.

"I set a DCA and forgot about it."

Back in 2015, u/TrafficConeWriter bought his first Bitcoin—and quickly sold it, convinced crypto was dying. But something made him stay. Over the next few years, even without a steady income, he kept dollar-cost averaging into BTC. There were moments he had to sell some just to survive. At one point, he was living in his car, cutting McChickens into quarters to stretch out meals.But he kept stacking sats. And eventually, life turned around.With a stable job and new beginnings ahead, he cashed out some BTC to help with a down payment on a home. Later, he sold the rest—at $48K—to buy an engagement ring. Years of quiet conviction, hardship, and small wins led to one big moment. That ring? Paid entirely in Bitcoin.Now, with the major expenses behind him, he’s back to DCA-ing—only this time, with a roof over his head, a partner by his side, and the peace of knowing that sometimes, taking profits is the most meaningful move of all.

From broke to Bitcoin millionaire

Back in 2017, u/Anon_Bitcoin_Dude was broke - $1,000 in savings, a mortgage he couldn’t afford a down payment on, and a household income under $100K. But he bought a little Bitcoin anyway. A tax refund helped him grab another whole coin during the 2018 crash. By 2020, after selling his house, he went all in, moving cash and his 401k into BTC.He watched his portfolio soar to $600K in the 2021 bull run… then sink to $170K. Still, he held. Then came 2024: with Bitcoin over $90K, he and his wife officially hit millionaire status.He hasn’t upgraded the car. Still goes to work. But now, when tempted by a new toy, he shrugs:“I’d rather have Bitcoin.”